Accomplishment Coaching

This past weekend, I had an amazing experience.  I spent the entire weekend with 11 other men on a retreat about an hour north of Detroit.

Amidst the cheeseburgers, chips, 18 pots of coffee and proverbial “how YOU doin’?”, was authenticity and transparency like I’ve never seen in a group of men before.  I’m more accustomed to rank humor and bravado.  There’s nothing wrong with those things… but I’ve learned those really don’t serve me anymore.

The intent of the weekend was to help us distinguish the “stories” we have about ourselves.  About where we are in comparison to where we want to be.  About what’s running our lives in comparison to what we’d like to run our lives.  About how we live in the context (or framework) of someone elses’ story in comparison to our own OR the story that best prepares us to really be men.

You see as a man, I’ve come to learn some behaviors that, historically, seem to have served me.  Self-protection, arrogance and competition have won many battles for me.  I’ve covered up plenty of mistakes, let folks know that I’m okay even when I’m not (”Don’t need your help thanks.”), and made sure I came in first place regardless of the consequences.

What I see now is that a life led that way is a life of pure exhaustion.

This past weekend actually got me to ask the question, “If that’s not the story I truly want, then whose story AM I living?”  “What story do I want to live?”  “What if I were to take on being transparent, humble and open-hearted?”  “What if I took on not having ALL the answers?”

Some of you reading this (perhaps especially if you’re in business) may feel I’ve gone off a deep end.  That’s okay… you’re entitled to believe that and it’s likely you’re not to the point of exhaustion upon which I’ve arrived.

Except, coming back to work on Monday morning has been really refreshing this week.  Although the email in-box is overloaded, there’s a breakdown with one of my teams and a client who’s suffering through some big challenges, there’s something different about today.

As a business owner, leader and man, I now see my ability to create the life and business I want doesn’t depend on my ability to protect, control or “win”.  It depends on my willingness to practice always being of service, sharing 100% of me (the good, bad and ugly), and getting connected by creating relationships from heart rather than ego.

Leadership Practices for you to consider:

1. Notice where you’re inclined to hide, ignore or avoid issues and conversations.  Be curious about what you want to hide from others.  Take on sharing just one of those things this week.
2. Count how many really close friends you have… the type of friends you could share ANYTHING with.  If the number you come up with is disappointing, ask yourself “How much longer can I do my life entirely on my own?”
3. Notice where you dominate conversations, relationships and situations.  Ask yourself “What chaos am I trying to dominate”.  Consider the things we call “chaotic” have some of the greatest lessons inside.  Take on just being with a conversation, relationship or situation rather than trying to fix it or figure it out.

Regardless of gender, consider that a life (and business) operating from protection, control and competition is short-lived at best.  On the best day, you’ll get ONLY what those things offer (fear, running, resisting and avoiding).

Perhaps there’s a different story for you.

Happy Editing,

-Coach Preston

I read recently of a Laotian monk, Achaan Chaa, who lay down some pretty cool stuff about leadership.

“You see this goblet?” Chaa asked, holding up a glass.  “For me, this glass is already broken.  I enjoy it; drink out of it.  It holds water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns.  If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it.  But when I put this glass on a shelf and the wind knocks it over and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’  When I understand this glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.” – Excerpt from Sacred Hoops, by Phil Jackson, 1995.

This passage from Jackson’s book is particularly pertinent to me as a coach and as a business leader heading into a new year.  Where have I taken something for granted?  Where have I taken someone for granted?  What’s that cost me as a friend, coach, teammate or leader?

I went to a holiday party a few days ago that a new friend hosted.  He’s been having this party for years from what I learned in conversation with folks.  “Yeah, you should have been here last year… there were like, 200 people in this house.”  Wondered if the fire marshall knew about last year.

Aside from the fact that upon my departure there were likely 75 people in attendance, what struck me was how much folks appreciated that Steve (that’s what we’ll call him) invested as much time and effort into the party as he did.  “Can you believe he did all this” was the most common question I heard all night.

My answer = yes, I can believe it.

You see, Steve gets the impermanence of this world.  He sees that at any given moment, his life or the life of his friends could change for better or worse.  He understands that “NOW” is far more intriguing and satisfying than “later”.

Coaching Challenge / Practice:

As a leader, take a moment to consider the following questions / actions:

1. Where am I putting things off until “later”?
2. What’s so intriguing about “later”?
3. What’s possible if I were to take action NOW?
4. Name three people, employees, fellow leaders or friends you can acknowledge today.
5. If you were to practice always taking action NOW, what’s possible for you and your business in 2009?

 A new year is upon you.  There are plenty of parties to attend, sales to make, projects to complete, people to acknowledge and teams to lead.

Which will you choose, now or later?

Just do it,

-Coach Preston

This week I got a real treat by going to the Thursday children’s mass.

Although I love the sermons on Sunday, I’m always curious what will be discussed on Thursdays considering the overwhelmingly adolescent audience. As predicted, I was ready to check my Palm Pilot and write a few notes about the day in front of me while I listened “loosely”.

Until I heard the M & M story.

“As a young child, just like all of you, I took long car trips with my family”, the priest began. “My mom used to keep me and my five brothers and sisters in good behavior on those trips by giving us M & M’s. She’d ration them out to each one of us based on our behavior. If it was good, we got more. If it was not, we got very few.”

Then he asked, “What is rationing?”

A rather astute youngster raised her hand and answered, “It’s the controlled distribution of resources and scarce goods and services.” Clearly she’s a daughter of an economist. And, this was starting to get better.

The priest continued, “So where do we typically ration in our lives?”

There were several answers: “When we’re playing with our sisters or brothers, when a friend and I want to play with the same toy, each week when my mom and dad give me my allowance…”

And then the priest said something that hit me like a sucker-punch:

“God does not ration. God loves 100% of you 100% of the time. God does not ration.”

I put down my Palm Pilot.

For in that moment, I realized that I was rationing my attention. I was giving some of it to the sermon, some of it to the device that’s attached to my hip, and likely more to my thoughts of my upcoming day.

And if that was simply the most obvious place I noticed my rationing, where else have I been doing the same?

Here are some places that occurred to me:

a) I schedule appointments almost back to back – what am I rationing there?
b) I get irritated when I don’t receive my monthly discount coupon from my airport parking lot friends – what am I rationing there?
c) I stop myself from making a sales call on a “very prominent and important person” – what am I rationing there?
d) I go about most days believing that I’m the only one who can take care of A, B or C – what am I rationing there?
e) I avoid being with some family members that I don’t particularly like – what am I rationing there?

So what am I rationing in the examples above?

a) Time
b) Money
c) Confidence
d) Trust
e) Love

It struck me that I spend a decent amount of time rationing my resources. That I withhold my time, money, confidence, trust and love from many people and situations. And it’s not just me.

So what makes it so prevalent, this withholding or rationing?

Consider we’re just simply afraid of not having enough for ourselves. And consider that fear comes from us not being enough for OURselves.

When was the last time you said YOU were enough for YOU? When you said, “I’m totally sufficient for myself?” If you’re like many, it’s been a long time, if ever.

So we wonder why our businesses don’t make it when we run into challenges; the ones we’ll inevitably run into. We wonder why employees don’t work out. We wonder why clients leave us. We wonder why our marriages or relationships fail.

We ration our M & M’s.

So I’ll leave this last thought and an invitation to create some space to truly listen:

What one area of your life will be transformed if you were to offer it all of your M & M’s?

Happy Sugar Buzz,
-Coach Preston