Accomplishment Coaching

My client, Dan (not his real name), has been seeking a way out of financial stress for the past three years.  Week after week, conversation after conversation, he’s still in the same place he’s always been.  Dan has managed to rack up more than $300,000 in debt without any plan to pay it off.

“Man, do I need to get my money in order.  I can’t keep living like this… barely able to keep creditors at bay and never knowing whether I’ll be able to make the mortgage this month or next.  I can’t stand this and I just want it to stop… to go away.”

Although this example likely isn’t familiar for you, many folks find themselves in similar situations today.  What seemed like a small issue in the past has transformed into an enormous problem.  Perhaps it’s around money, relationships, careers or businesses.  Regardless of the content, the issue is still the same – stuff happens and we assign meaning to it.

Now meaning-making is okay.  It’s as natural for us humans as having pizza and a beer on Friday night.  And just as too much pizza and beer might cause some issues, so does the meaning-making.  A frequent outcome of this process = problems.

So what does this have to do with breakthroughs?  Here you go…

Consider that my client Dan is relating to his financial situation as a problem.  “Well, of course” you might say.  But I invite you to get some altitude on problems for a moment.

A problem is created when we focus on an external circumstance; for example, not enough money.  We focus on the external circumstance defined by the value of the numbers printed on our bank statement.  We then look to external factors or resources to fix the problem.  Sometimes that works.  And many more times, it doesn’t.  The worst part is it just becomes about getting rid of the dog-gone problem.  “If that problem just went away, everything would be just fine!”

But what if a problem was just a disempowering relationship to a circumstance?  Or, what if a problem was just an expression of you saying “This shouldn’t be!”?

This is where we might create a new relationship to the stuff that happens to us.  A relationship called “breakdown” rather than “problem”.

A breakdown is the by-product of a commitment getting off course.  For example, if my client Dan has a commitment to pay off all his debt, and he runs into a temporary shortage of money, he’ll relate to the shortage of money not as a “problem” with all its usual drama, but as access to the next appropriate action.  He might take a look at how he can create more income, reduce weekly household expenses or call his creditors to create a repayment plan.

Whatever the action, Dan would be moving toward his ultimate commitment of being debt-free.  As crazy as it sounds, he just might invite breakdowns as part of the journey.

So now’s the time to look in your life and business.  Where are you drowning in the drama of problems?  You know the ones that keep you up at night and bury you during each day?

What if you were to take on problems not as unmovable burdens but as opportunities to create action and movement?  If you did, you’d now call them breakdowns.

Leadership Practices:

1. Make a list of all the “problems” you’ve got in an area of your life.
2. For each problem, ask “what commitment is this problem in the way of?”
3. Re-create your problem list as your commitment list using the answers to question #2.
4. Declare a “breakdown” in any of the commitments that aren’t moving forward.  I.e. – in client Dan’s case, he’d declare his lack of money a “breakdown” in his commitment to be debt-free.
5. Finally, come up with 2-3 actions you can take today to move closer to your commitment.

Problems are dramatic, ugly and rarely provide any relief.  On the other hand, breakdowns are powerful, beautiful and delicious… all in service of your ultimate commitment.

Happy Breakdowns,

-Coach Preston

On October 7, 2008, US Federal Reserve Board Chairman Ben S. Bernanke reminded attendees at a financial meeting that the economy had been showing signs of “deceleration” even before the more obvious disruptions with the financial and credit markets that soon followed.

While noting that housing has been a primary focus, he said the concern has spread far beyond that sector.  He went on to offer messages of little hope that concluded with “…the heightened financial turmoil that we have experienced of late may well lengthen the period of weak economic performance and further increase the risks to growth.” (HR Magazine’s 2009 HR Trend Book, page 5)

Thanks for the motivation Mr. Bernanke.  And by the way, what the heck was that comment intended to create???

It ceases to amaze me how many truly brilliant people suffer from this “size 10 in mouth” disease.  A more technical (and perhaps less judgmental) term I have for this is “describe and manage”.

Here’s a sample scenario: 

You’ve just hired a new technical manager, Bob, to oversee three brand new accounts you’ve landed.  Each Monday morning at your client update meeting, Bob outlines what’s currently going on with these three new accounts.  He says that Jeff and Sally, his production team, are doing great at moving things along and the projects are on schedule.

After three months, Bob begins to share more about how Jeff is coming in late and that Sally is taking on more of the work and that he is getting frustrated with current production processes.  Bob assures you that Sally is okay taking on more work and that he’ll create a few work-a-rounds on processes.  There will only be a 45-day delay in the projects and the clients seem okay with that.

At six months, its clear things are not headed in the right direction.  Jeff left the company, Sally’s overwhelmed and Bob’s spending the majority of his time training Jeff’s replacement.  100% of Bob’s comments during the Monday morning meetings now consist of describing how he’s managing all the breakdowns with staff and resources.  The three projects are now four months behind schedule. 

Soon you get a phone call from two of the three new accounts letting you know they’re taking their business elsewhere.

What’s the problem?  Both Bob and Ben Bernanke are making one of the biggest mistakes you can make in business and life – describing your circumstances; then managing around them.

There is one sure-fire result to this process = guaranteed failure.

The moment you begin doing this, you allow your circumstances to drive the project, relationship, conversation or result.  You have now said, “My circumstances are more powerful than I.”

So what’s the alternative?  It’s really quite simple, although don’t be surprised if it scares you a bit.  We’re not trained to operate this way. 

It’s called “declaring and fulfilling”.

Let’s use Bob, the manager’s example.  Imagine that instead of him coming to meetings telling you what his circumstances are then outlining how he’ll manage them, he said the following:

“Here’s where things are with the three new account projects.  Jeff’s been showing up late to work and I had a conversation with him last week.  Although I acknowledged him for the quality of his work, he does understand I will replace him if he doesn’t handle his time issue.  He worked out the issue and he’s recreated his commitment to his work.  Sally and I talked about her tendency to take on too much and she requested I look into hiring a part-time technician.  I’ve interviewed three people and I’m making a proposal to one of them today.  We are one week ahead of schedule on two projects, on time with the third, and we will be ready to complete all three projects on time.”

Notice the difference?

In this example, Bob is not willing to look, spend time with or manage any of the circumstances.  His only objective is declaring the projects will be complete when he said they’d be complete.  His actions are reliable and forward-focused and based only on his declaration.

Imagine if just 10% more of your staff, family, community or government took on “declaring and fulfilling” rather than “describing and managing” ?  What would be possible then?

Imagine if Ben Bernanke had instead said something like:  “We are facing some challenging times right now.  And what’s next is to create a credit oversight committee within the next three months, establish a short-term credit plan for small businesses that will allow them payment flexibility for six months and inject $XXX into the economy that will be repaid by a percentage of the loan repayments from small businesses.”

Regardless of how ridiculous the above example may be, you can be assured that Mr. Bernanke would have CREATED something.  Perhaps it would be hope.  Perhaps it would be a vision of a better future.

Instead, he crippled a potential future by describing current circumstances.  The worst part… he didn’t even make an attempt at outling how we’d “manage”.  In other words, he successfully terminated possibility.

Don’t be Ben Bernanke.

Leadership Practices:

1. Catch yourself telling stories of why things are the way they are.
2. Ask yourself, “How does my story contribute to my bottom line?”
3. Practice “declaring and fulfilling” incrementally – start small.  Consider things like “I’m going to bed every night this week by 10pm” then actually going to bed at 10pm each night.  Ratchet up the gradient each week.

Go Declare,

-Coach Preston

This past weekend, I had an amazing experience.  I spent the entire weekend with 11 other men on a retreat about an hour north of Detroit.

Amidst the cheeseburgers, chips, 18 pots of coffee and proverbial “how YOU doin’?”, was authenticity and transparency like I’ve never seen in a group of men before.  I’m more accustomed to rank humor and bravado.  There’s nothing wrong with those things… but I’ve learned those really don’t serve me anymore.

The intent of the weekend was to help us distinguish the “stories” we have about ourselves.  About where we are in comparison to where we want to be.  About what’s running our lives in comparison to what we’d like to run our lives.  About how we live in the context (or framework) of someone elses’ story in comparison to our own OR the story that best prepares us to really be men.

You see as a man, I’ve come to learn some behaviors that, historically, seem to have served me.  Self-protection, arrogance and competition have won many battles for me.  I’ve covered up plenty of mistakes, let folks know that I’m okay even when I’m not (“Don’t need your help thanks.”), and made sure I came in first place regardless of the consequences.

What I see now is that a life led that way is a life of pure exhaustion.

This past weekend actually got me to ask the question, “If that’s not the story I truly want, then whose story AM I living?”  “What story do I want to live?”  “What if I were to take on being transparent, humble and open-hearted?”  “What if I took on not having ALL the answers?”

Some of you reading this (perhaps especially if you’re in business) may feel I’ve gone off a deep end.  That’s okay… you’re entitled to believe that and it’s likely you’re not to the point of exhaustion upon which I’ve arrived.

Except, coming back to work on Monday morning has been really refreshing this week.  Although the email in-box is overloaded, there’s a breakdown with one of my teams and a client who’s suffering through some big challenges, there’s something different about today.

As a business owner, leader and man, I now see my ability to create the life and business I want doesn’t depend on my ability to protect, control or “win”.  It depends on my willingness to practice always being of service, sharing 100% of me (the good, bad and ugly), and getting connected by creating relationships from heart rather than ego.

Leadership Practices for you to consider:

1. Notice where you’re inclined to hide, ignore or avoid issues and conversations.  Be curious about what you want to hide from others.  Take on sharing just one of those things this week.
2. Count how many really close friends you have… the type of friends you could share ANYTHING with.  If the number you come up with is disappointing, ask yourself “How much longer can I do my life entirely on my own?”
3. Notice where you dominate conversations, relationships and situations.  Ask yourself “What chaos am I trying to dominate”.  Consider the things we call “chaotic” have some of the greatest lessons inside.  Take on just being with a conversation, relationship or situation rather than trying to fix it or figure it out.

Regardless of gender, consider that a life (and business) operating from protection, control and competition is short-lived at best.  On the best day, you’ll get ONLY what those things offer (fear, running, resisting and avoiding).

Perhaps there’s a different story for you.

Happy Editing,

-Coach Preston